In Memory of Shama / Cultural Insight

My father-in-law died on Monday night (Georgian Easter Monday)- ending a long fight against various illnesses and mis-treatment and mis-diagnosis by doctors. He died at home with all of us by his bed.
Now is his funeral. The Georgian system is a traditional one: a person dies at home; the police and an expert come and certify the death; a mortician is brought to prepare and dress the body; a coffin is bought and brought, placed in the middle of the sitting room with the dead in it- open- and chairs set up around the edges of the room. Flowers go at the foot of the coffin and a table with oil-candle, a glass of wine or water and a book of psalms at the head. All mirrors or reflective glass are covered with white cloth (so the dead will not see their own refection and be trapped by it). Close family come to mourn the same day as the person dies. They return, with friends of the dead, the next day and the one after that, bringing flowers and wreathes. The front door is left open- the son standing outside greeting everyone -and those entering must walk a full anti-clockwise circle around the coffin as a sign of respect, pausing on the way to greet and consol the deceased's wife and children. Women then sit; men stand in the entrance- unless old, men are not allowed to sit. Women tend to dress smartly and usually-though not always- in black, whereas the men come casual in jeans etc. The women sit quietly, pray and (more often!) natter. On the third day after death the coffin is closed and carried by the men to the hearse, with flowers on top. Then everyone gets into their cars and follows the hearse to the cemetary where a priest blesses and people have the last chance to say goodbye. There is no long church service- the priest comes to the house an hour or so before the coffin is closed to pray. The women leave the grave first and the men, before burying the coffin, drink a glass of wine to the dead. Everyone then goes to a banquet hall for a Georgian buffet dinner with wine and toasting.
And then the Orthodox 40 days begins.
3 days at home- the soul of the deceased is with the family.
Once buried the dead spends 6 days, with his/her guardian angel, visiting Heaven.
For s0me 26 days after that the person visits Hell. Then the person is judged and sent to the right place. After all his suffering, Shama deserves a place in Heaven, I think!
Strict Orthodoxy (which none of us in this family supports strictly) dictates that during these 40 days we don't drink alcohol, don't eat meat, don't watch tv, don't listen to or enjoy music, don't dance...

This is my fourth funeral since I arrived here. It was eerie at first to see a dead body in someone's living-room but I've learnt to appreciate the idea- everyone has the chance to pay respects and remember and grieve. Except the son of the family. Poor Dima, being an only-child, has had to do so much running-around to get things organised. Thankfully his friends and neighbours have been a great help. I am as much use as the next Georgian woman. I am expected to sit. Which is fine except when I see Dima so exhausted and wish I could share the burden in this patriachal society!

Tomorrow we bury Shama. It is an inevitable end to a very very sad year for him and Naira, who is being so strong at the moment.

I'll speak more next week

xxx